I’ve had an incredible week. Something has shifted in me. I was growing so so tired of the repetition of my old narrative. My ego’s attachment to my story and my pain. Going over and over all the significant events that caused heavy limiting beliefs. I am so happy and grateful for all the experiences that have lead to being able to rise above it all.
Sitting with, processing and releasing emotions is fricking exhausting! My God does sobriety mean you feel so fricking much! Last Sunday after weeks of feeling all the feels, I would have LOVED a few cheeky cocktails as I lay in the sunshine in my post yoga and brunch glow. Just to have a little break, you know. A bit of carefree fun in the sun and see where the day leads. I even considered popping into one of the many legal weed dispensaries here and taking up weed for the afternoon as a little break from it all. But then the question comes up in my mind, WHY? What are you looking to achieve from it? What is there to be gained? You feel good, you have everything you need, don’t overthink it and just be. I had a little swim and then went for a walk along the beach instead.
Eckart Tolle’s book “A New Earth” describes peace as the death of the ego. Detaching from Me, My, I and the story attached to it. I have realised that the hurt I was struggling to shift was the egoic repetitive narrative of the pain body within me that was crying out to be fed. Fed with more pain, keeping the story of all I have been through alive. I have the grace of the realisation that it wasn’t serving me and that I was actually, without awareness choosing to stay in a place of reliving that pain. Thinking that if I felt it enough I would understand it when really there are some things in life we are not meant to understand. The search for understanding can keep us in a victimhood and stop us from connecting with the power of all we are able to achieve.
My mind has the power to create. My imagination is immense and wild. I have been choosing to ruminate over past experiences that hurt me as opposed to transcend my mind off to my happy place. Playing in waterfalls, rivers and the ocean. Sitting in jungles and forests and letting the sounds bathe my ears. Now that really is crazy.
It takes me back to my favourite Einstein quote
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
Albert Einstein
Time to leave the insanity behind and do things differently. Time to transcend to a place of pure energy and awareness and RADICALLY ACCEPT the past for what it is. I’m not gonna fix anything by thinking about it again. I’m not able to fix the past at all. But I sure as hell can live my life to the best of my abilities now in this moment and create a future beyond my wildest dreams by doing so. I have that power so now is the time to harness it.
‘It sounds simple. Knowing you have a choice and then choosing to be happy. It doesn’t always feel that way. The ego creeps in immediately after I declare I am happy, healed and don’t need to attach to that story anymore with a “What about meeeeeee? You’re just going to forget about me? All that we’ve been through to get here? All that pain you’ve survived?”
Sometimes it will be to stay rooted in a happy mindset than others. Sometimes its going to give you a run for your money to lure you back into sitting with the pain. Like a big familiar comforting hug of misery with a sly grin. Luring you in with the attention your victimization seeks. I SEE YOU. I HEAR YOU. BUT ITS TIME TO GO HOME.
The ego is such an interesting concept. Addicted to its story and wanting feeding with similar experiences that it identifies as being for it. Even if that is pain. Feed me! Making you believe that you don’t have a choice. Making it seem that life is happening to you not for you. Supporting the belief that you have to hold tightly onto everything you have been through in life to be rather than rising out of it into peace. Peace wherever that is in your mind. The place where you are able to just be.
So now in this peace, now what? I learn how to be and then I just surrender? Sit in peace wherever I am and simply enjoy it. Allow life to happen for me in alignment with my soul? That’s it? What do I do with all this free time now that my thinking mind is quiet?!
So how about allowing ourselves to transcend into the limitless of love and allow our hearts to dream. Like the world is our personal virtual reality and ours for the playing. Shout our deepest hearts desires out loud and watch them unfold. Like magic is real. Start to believe and then dream even bigger. Feel the fear and do it anyway.
If you are scared, try it with the little things. I manifested an extra falafel wrap yesterday at brunch. I was HUNGRY after yoga and was parenting myself that I could get another one if I was still hungry after my first but I said out loud to my friend, I really do want two though. They bought me two. And I realised. I am powerful. I can literally create my own world. Its time to get far bigger than a brunch wrap.
So my message for this week is declare your dreams and goals. From a place of feeling good, write, say them out loud, embody all the emotions of them already having happened. Find your happy place and let the magic flow.