I was walking through Les Gorges National Park in Mauritius one sunny December morning. The light shone through the trees as they waved and creaked at me in conversation. I was headed down to my favourite spot by the river. The only place I knew how to just be.  

I’d long escaped the days of suicidal ideation but the world I once knew was still unravelling. My world was undergoing so much chaos and change back in London.  In choosing myself, I honored my desire for physical space to allow for emotional space.  

It was lonely, but I knew that this chapter of my journey was titled ‘How to be Alone’. A million miles away from home, on a tiny rock in the middle of the Indian Ocean, I had deemed Mauritius the destination to create a home within myself. 

As I amble through the forest, listening to yet another Gabrielle Bernstein book, I hear it so loudly for the first time. “You are going to stop drinking and it is going to unlock a life beyond the limitations of your imagination.” 

I knew it was true, but I didn’t want to hear it. Not yet. Maybe I could achieve all I wanted in life without giving it up? Maybe if I only drank one night a week that would be fine? Save it for Saturdays or special occasions? I could definitely do that.   

I let the knowledge that the message was true settle in and allowed myself to go about life. Not yet, I thought.  

A few months later I was driving down the highway listening to Wayne D. Dyer. The message again, “You know you are going to stop drinking so that you can truly help others and serve your life’s purpose.” 

There is no hiding from the fact that whilst alcohol was in my life, my inner critic told me I lacked the integrity to guide and serve others. I felt judgement and shame from my desire to want to let a little loose. Judgement that I sometimes felt safer socially with a glass of wine rather than in the vulnerability of just being me. 

I knew I was going to honor the messages I was receiving to live an alcohol free life, even if it terrified me. I knew that it was breaking my final chain to freedom. I knew it would allow me to truly live in alignment with who I was. And from that place of alignment, I could support others in their journeys of unleashing love and freedom from within. 

This blog is here to show you that it is possible. To show you the real, raw ride of facing and releasing the relationship, habits and patterns of over two decades. To let you know that you that you are ready to meet yourself in more ways than you can ever imagine. To remind you know that you are not alone. 

It’s so much more than giving up alcohol. It’s choosing yourself.  

I didn’t know where the journey would lead me, I don’t know where I will end. I just know it’s the best decision I have ever made for myself. 

Come along for this wild ride of awareness, acceptance and love. Let see what we find as I unlock my true essential nature.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step

Lao Tzu, Tao de Ching

This quote reminds me that anything is possible from here. Here, in this very moment. So how did I take my first step?

Read from the beginning here